tonight, tonight

memories i've never remembered crawl deep inside of my mind. like a childs soft walking, or a toddlers laugh, their innocent memories. then, unexpectedly, they turn into something much bigger like the guilt of a murderer, or the presence of a liar. i grip myself awake, back into this year, and reality washes over me. sending reassurance and both sadness to my brain waves. shaking both the warmth and the cruelty of our actions. not only justifying what has changed, but also forcing me to remember that everything has.

and it goes on, and on, and on.

dreams pertaining to the summer before last fumbled in her mind as the muffled sound of a phone awoke this broken girl. with eyes half open, she grabbed her phone and clumsily sorted through a list of missed calls. when she returned the call and openly accepted a stranger into her home she had never suspected that it would lead to the distinction and exploration of many secrets followed by a friendship that would last a life time.

Its all in my head

"Everyone was always on their way somewhere, or up to their eyes in something or racing around trying to find someone, or more often, merely trying to catch up with themselves."-k.t

I'm finally seeing that I'm really only trying to catch up with myself.

Repeat

I like old things. Whether its old photographs, songs, or memories. Old things always make you happy, and even though some old things are bad, we can still laugh. What brought this about is my old play list. I was listening to it and I just thought of everything I had ever matched up with those songs.

Make with what you have.

My 2009 resolution is something that has kept me up several times. I over analyze the things I hope to accomplish and change. Really, all I'd like is to be to the point where I realize that 2007 was not out to get me. It was the best year of my life and now I see it as such a burden because its all I can focus on. Its the center of my thoughts. Its time for that to change, its time for the center of my thoughts to be something more realistic, something that can actually re-occur. Because as amazing as that year was it's not coming back. 

My resolution is to be able to settle for something that might be less than 2007  because right now I have no other choice.

Viki says I sound depressed, I'm not. I promise you, really, I'm happy.