Come down now

I always think that people are so scary, sometimes feeling the same thing I am. I always think it's a coincidence when maybe it's not at all a coincidence, it's probably just life throwing us all off in the same exact way. Barely anything makes sense anymore but I'm ready to get on with things regardless of how they sound.

I'm not a mean girl but I can come off a little strong, still though there is reason behind my actions. I have this theory that behind all of the programmed thoughts we were trained to say, the things that make sense and sound appropriate, the things that others can relate to, behind those are the thoughts almost no one can understand. The thoughts that are foolish and sound stupid unless you can relate. We keep them there, pushed to the back of our minds, but every so often they reveal themselves and we wish they wouldn't have. We still have innocent, child-like thoughts that roam our heads, we just don't say them.

Supress

If its not one thing it's always another. Thats okay though. I've learned to look past everything thats falling apart unless its myself. In the end, I guess thats what matters anyhow. I'm not losing my balance over situations that shouldn't affect how firmly my feet are planted on the ground. I'm me and I'm happy regardless of the lyrics that echo from my speakers and the words that flutter out of my mouth. I do get bad thoughts, don't go thinking I've become Ms. Sunshine, I've just learned to push them to the back of my head and replace them with something better. Of course I'll have to face them sooner or later but I'm waiting till I actually know what to do with them.

Did you forget?

All anyone is ever capable of doing is remembering something. No mental notes, no reminders, nothing, will ever be able to bring someone to the story you see. You can describe everything from the floor to how the sky looked that evening plus how the clouds were shaped and at what specific angle they were positioned, even still, no one will understand a moment of your life, a memory of your past, unless they were there. Even then, sometimes you have trouble understanding moments of your life that you lived through.

Life is incredible, it's unforgettable and sometimes still so easily forgotten.

We're all angels on the inside, we play filthy roles

i love being in a good mood. i love feeling lucky. i love feeling like i've come so far because i really have. its funny how things worked out, its funny how everything worked out but i wouldn't change a thing now.

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth

I need to slow down. I have more time then I think but I'm just so use to being in a rush. Everything really has changed and I'm honestly finally happy with it all. I'm a happy person all together. Don't get me wrong, a lot still is missing in this picture but I think I'm just use to it now. I'm use to feeling somewhat incomplete, it's actually what makes me feel complete in a way. I'll take each day as it comes. I'm letting go of my previous expectations because to be honest my expectations really never got me very far. My business is mine and yours is yours, just know I'm happy and that if your not in my life, I didn't need you and I told you so.

Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.

You wanna know the honest truth about how I see everything? You wanna know what's in my head? I see everything as a chance to make something happen. I see every moments potential to make something I'll remember, good or bad. My mind never stops racing and the thoughts I think are irrational, completely strange and some what lunatic like. Either way I can assure you the thoughts I think aren't about you. I'm looking for something and I'm unsure of what it is but I'm positive I'm likely to figure it out soon. No worries here, captain.

Everything keeps me remembering

Its like watching one of those pretty movies. The kinds where happy kids are shown from a window and you're looking in through the street. The kids are laughing and exchanging memories, they're living the dream. Its like in that moment, they're care-free, and your like 'I wish I was there'. There with those strangers, definitley making one of the greatest moments of your life, something you'll remember forever.

I am here.

We're all such different people from this time last year and we've all grown up so much.

Smirks and scowls followed by thoughts we have trouble deciphering. Feeling out of body and questioning when this transition took place, wondering when the stars slipped out of the sky and the moon lit up. That place tastes bitter and now it is so easy to leave words in my mind without them meaning a thing. I shouldn't be proud to have learned not to take things to heart and to second guess if people mean what they say but the true person who should be ashamed is the one who taught me how.

here where we tremble at the same old thought, here where our legs give out and we get caught

Every mile, a memory. The truth in that twists my stomach into unexceptional knots not quite anyone can undo. I wonder if its the same for you. I wonder if while walking applewood you think of what happened instead of thinking about what you're doing. I wonder if you get caught up, too, or if its just me going through all the motions. I really do hope this isn't only a side affect I have. I really hope you all feel what I do.