Beauty in the breakdown

I forgot exactly what this quote said, but it was beautiful. It said how to live everything up, each day especially, because once that day is gone you can't ever change it, it stays in the past as something to remember.

I never think of anything that way. When I'm doing things, when I'm laughing, when I'm crying, I don't realize I'm making my own history. I think of it as another day, but then a year later I'm remembering that day.

It's so hard for me to write something so pretty with music that I don't find inspiring. I can't do pretty things without pretty sounds, without pretty inspirations and pretty memories even if they are sort of ugly. The prettiest memories are the ugliest, I've learned.

Fragile people are the most beautiful. They seem so vulnerable and so weak, but there's a light in them that shines brighter than ever. Theres a brighter side to being vulnerable, and weak. You fall in love. Its not as easy to fall in love when you have your guard protecting the pounding in your chest. A pencil and paper, a keyboard and screen, won't ever be able to cover that feeling I had; before, and after everything happened. You weren't fragile, but you were still beautiful. I was drawn to you because of that. You were hostile and destructive. Your smirk could con the entire city, but they'd fall in love with you as you did. Being on the subject of that time gives me goosebumps everywhere even though I'm not cold. I shake because of how clear the memory of you remains, and how easily I can allow myself to slip back into this time. I close my eyes and see everything. I feel the damp grass against my feet, the pulse in my heart going, the laughter going on between us all, the darkness in the trees and the streetlights shining brightly, the sweat out of nervousness, the temptation to make something happen. Something great, something beautiful. Shivering like this, frantically, makes me kind of sick. Just when I think I'm done, I'm not, but maybe thats the beauty of it.

gobble gobble

it's my birthday. wow. i look back at this time last year and i'm such a different person and so many different things were going on. well, since it's also thanksgiving i guess i can tell you what i'm actually really appreciative of. i couldn't get anywhere without my brother, seriously. i can't imagine life without him, i'm more than happy to always have him. i love my grandparents too, if it weren't for them we'd wouldn't have gotten through a lot. i'm thankful for the true friends i have, the ones who remember things about me, the ones who keep my secrets, and the ones i can always depend on. This year is going by so fast, but I'm so excited for it to be over. I'm another year closer to becoming everything I've ever wanted to be.

<3

Its those pills that you don't need to take, medicating perfection

I hate how my blog seems so depressing every time I write in it. There actually is a happiness in me, I can promise you that.

I really hate how everyone wants what they can't have. Like if you really think about it, it's so true. It makes me such a hypocrite, saying that, but everyone agrees so I guess we're all damn hypocrites. Wanting what you can't have fits with basically everything. You'll stare at something, anything, till you get it. Then once you have it you really don't care about it anymore. We all take so much for granted without even realizing it.

My Language arts teacher had us write undesirable things about ourselves. As I was writing it I had to laugh at myself a little. I had to write five and I only wrote three because if I told the other two, it'd be so easy for everyone to guess it was me because of how I would've put it.

Me and Viki have come to the conclusion that we have too much pride to go through past times.

You believe anything your favorite singer sings you

I never ever write about you, I don't even think about you much anymore. You were my best friend at one point, you were also the prettiest girl in my eyes at one point too. That all changed because of your personality, it made you ugly. Now that I don't know you anymore, I see you through the eyes of a stranger.

That was nearly 3 years ago, maybe more. I remember a few of our memories like eating dinner as a family, we'd play pretty music and light candles. I remember being sick together because of how stupid we were to eat pickles and cookie dough. I remember laughing with you, but not what I was laughing at.

You came in and out to teach me a lesson, something I would remember for the rest of my life. The only thing I think I'll remember is that when I was 11, My best friend abandon me. From then on out, I was eaten alive.

I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me

I know I'm always going to feel like I'm missing something, a piece of myself. Whether its my parents, the best friends that came and left, or the boy. Those things were such a distinct part of me for such a small amount of time, I learned to find my way with them, but not with out them.

"All I'd ever wanted was to forget. but even when i thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below."

to the spill canvas, love a fan.

although i can't tell you what your songs mean, i can tell you what they mean to me. for instance, lullaby tells me to remember. it tells me to go back to two years ago, back to that neighborhood, back to the boy i fell in love with. it tells me to climb out of the window again and roam the empty streets trying to find a sense of security. it makes me miss a lot for some reason. the pretty lyrics and instruments combined, together as one, like how me and him use to be. your music is so beautiful and so inspiring. it turns my stomach to butterflies and sends goosebumps crawling up my spine and for that i'll never be able to thank you enough.


that's cute, and sort of heart wrenching.